108 Inspirational Quotes… Surely at least 1 will suit you…

Inspirational quotations are a powerful way to transform your heart and mind ifyou actually use them for more than a moment’s inspiration.  Don’t let the inspiration float by, but bring it fully into your consciousness, allowing it to alter your way of being.  Here are three ways to use inspiration quotations as seeds for positive change.

1. Reflect on a new quotation each morning to infuse each day with a larger perspective.
2. Choose a single quotation that addresses a habit you would like to change or a quality you would like to embody.  Then work with it for an extended period.  Post it in prominent places as a regular reminder.
3. Use a quotation as a starting point for a reflection, free-writing, or a blog post.

Spring symbolizes rebirth and regeneration.  As flowers break through the ground and a display of color appears all around us, may you use this offering of inspiration to become who you truly are in every possible way.

A Feast of Inspiring Quotations

• “A little kingdom I possess, where thoughts and feelings dwell; And very hard the task I find of governing it well.” – Louisa May Alcott
• “There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority and control – your mind and your mouth.” – African Proverb
• “Silence is medication for sorrow.” – Arab Proverb
• “This is what I am learning, at 82 years old: the main thing is to be in love with the search for truth.”
  – Maya Angelou
• “If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”  – Marcus Aurelius
• “You write in order to change the world…. The world changes according to the way people see it, and if you alter, even by a millimeter, the way people look at reality, then you can change it.”  – James Baldwin
• “Silence is so much more productive of wisdom and clarity in thinking.” –Ajahn Brahm
• “Grow old with me! The best is yet to be.”  – Robert Browning
• “All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware.” –Martin Buber
• “If you haven’t wept deeply, you haven’t begun to meditate.” – Achaan Chah
• “Enlightenment is ego’s ultimate disappointment.” – Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche
• “A joyful life is an individual creation that cannot be copied from a recipe.” –Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
• “The more you are motivated by love, the more fearless and free your action will be.” – The Dalai Lama
• “Old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend – or a meaningful day.” – The Dalai Lama
• “Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” –The Dalai Lama
• “If we want spiritual development, the practice of patience is essential. – The Dalai Lama
• “I wish that every human life might be pure transparent freedom.” – Simone de Beauvoir
• “Forgiveness is attention without judgment. It heals the one who forgives and the one who is forgiven.” – Deepak Chopra
• “…with the power of compassion there is nothing that cannot be accomplished.” – Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche
• “To wish happiness for others, even for those who want to do us harm, is the source of consummate happiness.” – Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche
• “Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.” –Albert Einstein
• “The splitting of the atom has changed everything except for how we think.” – Albert Einstein
• “What do we live for if not to make life less difficult for each other?” –George Eliot
• “To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children … to leave the world a better place … to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.  This is to have succeeded.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson
• “If everything is noted, all your emotional difficulties will disappear. When you feel happy, don’t get involved in happiness. When you feel sad, don’t get involved with it. Whatever comes, don’t worry, just be aware of it.” – Dipa Ma

• “If you vanquish ego-clinging today, tonight you will be enlightened.” –Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche
• “Spiritual experiences are like mist, they will evaporate.” – Dudjom Rinpoche
• “People like you and I, though mortal of course like everyone else, do not grow old no matter how long we live.” – Albert Einstein
• “Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.”- Albert Einstein
• “It is not death or pain that is to be dreaded, but the fear of pain or death.” –Epictetus
• “To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream, not only plan, but also believe.” – Anatole France
• “Who we are looking for is who is looking.” – St. Francis of Assisi
• “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”  – Viktor Frankl
• “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” –Viktor Frankl
• “Life is 10% what you make it, and 90% how you take it.” – Ben Franklin
• “I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within. It is there all the time.” – Anna Freud
• “You must learn to be still in the midst of activity and to be vibrantly alive in repose.” – Indira Gandhi
• “In a gentle way, you can shake the world.” – Mahatma Gandhi
• “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” –Mahatma Gandhi
• “As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world but in being able to remake ourselves.” – Mahatma Gandhi
• “In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in a clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. Our life is a long and arduous quest after Truth.” – Mahatma Gandhi
• “Your pain is the breaking of the shell which encloses your understanding” –Kahlil Gibran
• “Love with attachment consists of waves of emotion, usually creating invisible iron chains.” – Goenka
• “Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” – Thich Nhat Hanh
• “All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.” – Ernest Hemingway
• “Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” – Robert Heinlein
• “I am free, no matter what rules surround me.  If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them.  I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do.” – Robert Heinlein
• “Every thought you think and every word you say is an affirmation for your future.”- Louise Hay
• “I believe in pink, I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner, I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls, I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles.” – Audrey Hepburn
• “When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will finally know peace” – Jimi Hendrix
• “It’s not the load that breaks you down; it’s the way you carry it.”- Lena Horne

• “There’s only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.” – Aldous Huxley
• “Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.” – William James
• “Human beings, by changing their inner attitudes, can change the outer aspects of their lives.” – William James
• “Stress is an alarm clock that lets you know you’re attached to something not true for you.” – Byron Katie
• “Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.”  – Helen Keller
• “Great things are not accomplished by those who yield to trends and fads and popular opinion.” – Jack Kerouac
• “Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence but also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man, but you refuse to hate him.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.
• “Everybody can be great… because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.
• “The guru cannot awaken you; all that he can do is to point out what is.” – J. Krishnamurti
• “Here is my secret: I don’t mind what happens.” – J. Krishnamurti
• “Enlightenment is an accident, but some activities make you accident-prone.” – J. Krishnamurti
• Forgiveness is giving up all hope of having had a better past. – Anne Lamott
• “People are are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.  –Abraham Lincoln
• “There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.” – Mother Teresa
• “We can begin to open our hearts to others when we have no hope of getting anything back. We just do it for its own sake.” – Pema Chödrön
• “When you open the door and invite in all sentient beings as your guests, you have to drop your agenda.” – Pema Chödrön
• “The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.” –Pema Chödrön
• Meditation practice isn’t about trying to throw ourselves away and become something better, it’s about befriending who we are. – Pema Chödrön
• “Discomfort of any kind becomes the basis for practice. We breathe in knowing our pain is shared.” – Pema Chödrön
• “All the flowers of all the tomorrows are in the seeds of today.” – Proverb
• “When you are strong and healthy, You never think of sickness coming, But it descends with sudden force, Like a stroke of lightning.  When involved in worldly things, You never think of death’s approach; Quick it comes like thunder, Crashing round your head.” – Milarepa
• “Our job is to love others without stopping to inquire whether or not they are worthy. That is not our business and, in fact, it is nobody’s business. What we are asked to do is to love, and this love itself will render both ourselves and our neighbors worthy.”

- Thomas Merton
• “The moment one gives close attention to anything, even a blade of grass, it becomes a magnificent world in itself ” – Henry Miller
• “Once conform, once do what others do because they do it, and a kind of lethargy steals over all the finer senses of the soul.” Michel de Montaigne
• “What? You search? You would multiply yourself by ten, by a hundred? You seek followers? Seek zeros!” – “
Nietzsche
• “Dreams pass into the reality of action. From the actions stems the dream again; and this interdependence produces the highest form of living.’ – Anais Nin

• “We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are.” – Anais Nin
• “After a few years of meditation practice we can even learn how to occasionally ignore ourselves. And what relief that can be!” – Wes Nisker
• “All of man’s difficulties are causes by his inability to sit, quietly, in a room by himself.” –  Pascal
• “The revolutionary artist does not only focus on the negative aspects of capitalist lives, but also creates visions of a revolutionary future.” – Pablo Piccaso
• “Of all the Gods, Love is the best friend of humankind, the helper and healer of all ills that stand in the way of human happiness.” – Plato
• “All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.” – Edgar Allan Poe
• “The only journey is the journey within.”  – Rainer Maria Rilke
• “The quieter you become, the more you can hear.” – Ram Dass
• “Zen is not some kind of excitement, but concentration on our usual everyday routine.” – Suzuki Roishi
• “Let silence take you to the core of life.” – Rumi
• “Forget safety. Live where you fear to live. Destroy your reputation. Be notorious.” – Rumi
• “Habit, if not resisted, soon becomes necessity.”  – St. Augustine
• “What is it you want to change? Your hair, your face, your body? Why? For God is in love with all those things and he might weep when they are gone.” –St. Catherine of Sienna
• “I know but one freedom and that is the freedom of the mind.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupery
• “If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up people together to collect wood and don’t assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupery
• “Until he extends his circle of compassion to include all living things, man will not himself find peace.”
  – Albert Schweitzer
• “Compassion, in which all ethics must take root, can only attain its full breadth and depth if it embraces all living creatures and does not limit itself to mankind.” – Albert Schweitzer
• “Begin at once to live and count each separate day as a separate life.” –Seneca
• “The mind unlearns with difficulty what it has long learned.” – Seneca
• “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss
• “A man is rich in proportion to the number of things which he can afford to let alone.” – Thoreau
• “Freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you.” – Jean-Paul Sartre
• “Seeing into one’s self-nature is seeing into nothingness. Seeing into nothingness is true seeing & eternal seeing” – Shen-Hui
• “Contentment is natural wealth, luxury is artificial poverty.” – Socrates
• “The secret of happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less.” – Socrates
• “For the very reason that we expect things to be good and beautiful, they won’t be. In genuine spirituality, we don’t look for bliss.” – Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche
• “Ultimately, happiness comes down to choosing between the discomfort of becoming aware of your mental afflictions and the discomfort of being ruled by them.” – Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche
• “As muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone, it could be argued that those who sit quietly and do nothing are making one of the best possible contributions to a world in turmoil.”  – Alan Watts
• “A sheltered life can be a daring life as well. For all serious daring starts from within.” Eudora Welty
• “Whatever situation you’re in: Send love, place it in God’s hands, open your heart to everyone involved – and it will turn out miraculously.” – Marianne Williamson
• “The world is too much with us: Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers.” – Wordsworth  

7 Steps to Right-Sizing the Fear of What Others Think

“He who has overcome his fears will truly be free.” – Aristotle

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I suffer from Fearwot! It stops me from taking actions ranging from buying shoes to speaking in front of large audiences to promoting my business. In essence, it keeps me playing small and it keeps me feeling really, really frustrated.

Fearwot is fear of what others think. And, it can stop me in my tracks! Let me give you just one small example. I was in a shoe store the other day and I saw this great pair of red patent leather shoes. I loved them, and, they seemed to love me back. I could see myself wearing them and feeling really hip and powerful. But then I started thinking, ‘What would Beth, my ultraconservative sister, think of them and of me for buying them.’ And suddenly, my enthusiasm for the shoes waned. That’s Fearwot in action.

Sound familiar?

My Fearwot shows up frequently and if I don’t counter it, it can keep me from being my authentic most powerful self in areas far more significant than the acquisition of a pair of shoes.

Inside my head, Fearwot sounds like this:

• “Who do you think you are ?”
• “Who gave you the right to be so high and mighty?”
• “What kind of a person would do that?”
• “If this doesn’t work out, people will laugh at you.”
• “That’s a stupid idea.”

Maybe Fearwot isn’t your particular brand of fear but we all feel fear from time to time. It comes in lots of shapes and sizes. And, unfortunately, no matter how competent we are, how much experience, how many degrees we have, how big and full our tool box is, we can’t be very successful if we don’t have the confidence to use it.

I like to name the fears because it makes them feel less ominous and easier to deal with. Here are some of the common fears I’ve experienced and/or helped clients overcome:

• Fearwot: Fear of what others think
• Furple: Fear of hurting people’s feelings
• Funk: Fear of the unknown
• Fearloofoo: Fear of looking foolish.
• Feable: Fear of becoming a bag lady.
• Fearlure Fear of failure.
• Fearsucs: Fear of success
• Fearfect: Fear it won’t be perfect.

Do any of these resonate with you?

When I feel any of these fears, I know intellectually that there is nothing to be afraid of. There is no saber tooth tiger stalking me. There are no flames lapping at my feet. There are no boogie men hiding under my bed. I know that my fear is coming from some memory of a past event, (the last time I did this…) or anticipation of the possibility of some future outcome, (if I do that, this will happen). In my fear, I am either in the past or the future, but surely not in the present. I cannot change the past and I cannot predict the future with certainty. I can only act in the here and now. So I use my fear to inform me of my next steps rather than to stop me.

Here’s a 7-step process I use to right-sizing my fear so I can take action and be my best self. (I call it right-sizing because I think fear can sometimes be a good thing and I don’t want to eliminate it completely.)

1. Set a clear goal.

Be crystal clear about what you want to do and what outcome you want to create.

2. Identify the fear.

Listen to your inner voice to understand your resistance. What are you afraid will happen if you go forward?

3. Identify your limiting beliefs.

What are the ‘Truths’ you are telling yourself? Recently, I was feeling terrified about pitching myself for a speaking engagement. I felt the fear of it as if I were standing in a pool of great white sharks. I was immobilized. So, I took a deep breath… and started thinking, what are the assumptions that I am making about speakers? What are my limiting beliefs? Here are a few.

• ‘You have to be a published author to be a credible speaker’
• ‘You have to have a 6 figure income in order to have anything valuable to say’
• ‘People that go to this conference aren’t stopped by fear; it’s just me.’
• ‘You have to have an advanced degree to be successful in business.’
• ‘Who the hell do you think you are to think you can do this?’
• ‘Nice girls are humble and don’t promote themselves.’
• ‘If I screw it up, everyone will be talking about what an idiot I am. I’ll be done, cooked, career over.’

4. Seek contrary evidence.

Look for examples of times when those limiting beliefs and assumptions were NOT true. When I tested my assumptions, here’s what I realized:

• ‘I’ve heard lots of great speakers who haven’t written books and who don’t have 6 figure incomes.’
• ‘I’ve had conversations about fear with lots of women in all stages of their lives and their careers and they all experience it, even the most confident looking ones.’
• ‘I’ve done this presentation to smaller groups several times and gotten positive feedback.’
• ‘I do have a lot to say and a lot to offer.’
• ‘You’ve got to start somewhere… people aren’t born a successful. You create your success one step at a time. At least I’m swinging the bat.’
• ‘There are plenty of successful women business owners who don’t have advanced degrees’
• ‘This is part of my mission to help people soar to success. I need to share this gift.’

Finding contrary evidence takes the power out of the negative self-talk and brings you back to the present. It allows you to see the possibilities again.

5. Visualize yourself being successful.

See and feel what it is like to be on your game. As I disempowered my limiting beliefs and diffused my fears, I could feel the excitement build in my body as I imagined myself on-stage, full of energy, power and inspiration, the audience engaged, laughing with me, nodding in identification with points I was making. Feeling that energy, from my visualization, I could come back to the present and get into action.

6. Develop and write down an action plan.

Break your goal down into concrete, doable steps and document it. That way, when you get up in the morning, you have a sense of direction. You don’t have to figure out what to do. Your roadmap is laid out. You just need to follow it.

7. Get started and get support.

Now you are ready to get moving with confidence and a sense of purpose. To insure against those demons taking up residence in your head again, get support from others.

I drafted the proposal, I shared it with trusted friends who gave me feedback and suggestions. I kept revising it until it felt right. I submitted it. I followed up. I welcomed feedback. I stayed in the present and just took one step at a time. And all along the journey, I kept reaching out to people who could keep me grounded, hold me accountable, be my cheerleaders.

And, from time to time, as fear crept back in at various stages of the process I had to repeat some of my earlier steps.

And, do you know what happened? I got that gig and I rocked that stage and more importantly, I proved to myself that I could do it. And it wasn’t perfect, and some people probably didn’t like, it but I didn’t die! And the next time it will be a little easier. And there will be many next times.

P.S. I did buy those shoes, and when my sister saw them, she loved them. She said she wished she could wear them but she said she can’t wear heals this high… so, all that fearwot was for naught. I had made it all up. Do you ever do that?

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40 Benefits of Making Mistakes

Do you like making mistakes?

I certainly don’t.

Making mistakes is inevitable. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could be at ease with them? Perhaps there is a way to think of them differently and see their benefits.

Why Mistakes Feel Dangerous

Mistakes often feel dangerous. Throughout human history, our errors have often been treated as dangerous for a variety of reasons:

• Our vulnerability. We have limited and fragile support systems. When those systems fail, people often lose their lives.
• Real dangers. Nature can be dangerous, and making mistakes can put us at the mercy of nature and its animal residents seeking a meal.
• Ignorance. Many cultures scapegoate someone whenever there is a failure of some kind. Scapegoating can be serious and deadly.
• Order. Many societies punish those who do not conform to the prevailing orthodoxy and treat difference and non-conformity as a mistake. Even our brains flash an error message whenever we go against prevailing social norms according to research published in the Spero Forum.

We have a history of handling mistakes and failure in an unpleasant way. Since each of us carries our human history with us, it can be a challenge to overcome the fear of making mistakes.

If we can embrace the reality of mistakes, we can free ourselves to be more creative in our lives and dig up some interesting insights.

Why You Cannot Avoid Making Mistakes

Many people operate under the notion that making mistakes is an aberration, a mistake if you will. You can call it perfectionism but it is a more substantial problem. It is really a demand for order and continuity.

When we think we can eliminate mistakes, we are often working from a perspective that sees the world as a fixed place.

The world, however, is not so obliging. Like it or not, the world, and everything in it, is constantly changing. Change is more constant and pervasive than we can see with our own eyes which is why we often miss it. Our bodies are constantly changing. The natural conditions of the earth change constantly as well. Everything, including economic and cultural systems have life cycles. Everything is in a constant state of flux.

We cannot see all of the changes going on around us since rates of change vary. Unfortunately, when we try to create a feeling of certainty and solidity in our lives or operate from the illusion of stability and order, we are fighting reality and our natural evolution which is built on adapting to change.

It is better to continually bend into this reality rather than fight every change we experience. Fighting it can cause us to make more mistakes. Finding the benefits in change can be useful and help us minimize unnecessary mistakes.

Benefits of Making Mistakes

Life has so many uncertainties and variables that mistakes are inevitable.  Fortunately, there are many things you can learn from making mistakes.

Here is a list of ways to harness the mistakes you make for your benefit.

1. Point us to something we did not know
2. Reveal a nuance we missed
3. Deepen our knowledge
4. Tell us something about our skill levels
5. Help us see what matters and what does not
6. Inform us more about our values
7. Teach us more about others
8. Let us recognize changing circumstances
9. Show us when someone else has changed
10. Keep us connected to what works and what doesn’t work
11. Remind us of our humanity
12. Spur us to want to better work which helps us all
13. Promote compassion for ourselves and others
14. Teach us to value forgiveness
15. Help us to pace ourselves better
16. Invite us to better choices
17. Can teach us how to experiment
18. Can reveal an new insight
19. Can suggest new options we had not considered
20. Can serve as a warning
21. Show us hidden fault lines in our lives which can lead us to more productive arrangements
22. Point out structural problems in our lives.
23. Prompt us to learn more about ourselves
24. Remind us how we are like others
25. Make us more humble
26. Help us rectify injustices in our lives
27. Show us where to create more balance in our lives
28. Tell us when the time to move on has occurred
29. Reveal where our passion is and where it is not
30. Expose our true feelings
31. Bring out problems in a relationship
32. Can be a red flag for our misjudgments
33. Point us in a more creative direction
34. Show us when we are not listening
35. Wake us up to our authentic selves
36. Can create distance with someone else
37. Slow us down when we need to
38. Can hasten change
39. Reveal our blind spots
40. Are the invisible made visible

Reframe Reality To Handle Mistakes More Easily

The secret to handling mistakes is to:

• Expect them as part of the process of growth and development
• Have an experimental mindset
• Think in evolutional rather than fixed terms.

When we accept change as the natural structure of the world,  our vulnerability and humanness lets us work with the ebb and flow of life.

When we recognize the inevitability of mistakes as part of the ongoing experiment which life is, then we can relax more. In doing so we may make fewer of them.

It also helps to keep in mind that trial and error is an organic natural way of living. It is how we have evolved over time. It is better to be with our natural evolution than to fight it and make life harder.

When we adopt an evolutional mindset and see ourselves as part of the ongoing human experiment, we can appreciate that all that has been built up over time which includes the many mistakes our ancestors have made over thousands of years. Each one of us today is a part of that human tradition of learning and experimenting,

Mistakes are part of the trial and error, experimental nature of life. The more you adopt the experimental, evolutional frame, the easier it becomes to handle mistakes.

Handling mistakes well can help you relax and enjoy all aspects of life more.

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Why we shouldn’t “Plan” for Retirement

Life is pretty much set out for us from the moment we are born. A regimented schedule that we must adhere to if we are to be successful in this world. You must go to school, you must gain some qualifications, you must attend college/university, you must get a proper career, you must get a mortgage, you must get married and have kids and then government will let you collect your pension at some arbitrary age when you’re deemed to be ready for the scrapheap.

Miss out any of those steps and a certain section of society will always look down upon you. “Why aren’t you married yet?”, “Why are you renting? It’s throwing money away?”, “Why don’t you have a proper job?”

Yet perhaps the strangest thing that we do as a society is the idea that we have to work ridiculous hours and earn enough money so we can eventually retire and put our feet up. It sounds good in theory but I’m going to share 4 reasons why this is a very bad idea.

1. Retirement is bad for your health

It was often thought that too much hard work would lead you to an early grave, especially when you reach the age when everyone forgets your name and just refers to you a “Gramps”.

That’s why we retire right? To give our weary bodies a rest.

Yet research has shown that people who retire actually have lower life expectancies than those who remain at work. Remaining in some form of employment, or part time work gives your life purpose and a reason to get up in the morning. It keeps you fit and alert and will help ward off those nasty health problems that can creep up on you later in life.

2. Live for your youth, not your old age

Perhaps the strangest part of aiming for retirement is that we have it all backwards. You’re told to spend the healthiest and best years of your life stuck in a 9-5 job with huge amounts of stress and mounting debt. It’s okay though, in 40 years you can give it all up. Not long to wait. Why don’t we spend our youth doing all the things we want? Go traveling, see the world, go out and have fun, do all the things you have ever wanted to do whilst you still have a body that will allow it.

Do you want to spend your twenties in an office or do you want to have a carefree existence?

Okay you need money to fund all this fun and games but that’s okay, earn the money you need but don’t tie yourself up in a boring career and a mortgage you don’t want just because it’s what you’re supposed to do.

3. You may never even get there

The flipside to the above entry is if you’re still in your twenties or thirties there is a small chance that you will never need to retire. Due to the advances in medicine and science, major diseases and illnesses may be eradicated in the near future.

The ability to slow down aging due to the advancement in stem cell technology is becoming science fact, not science fiction. Therefore it is possible that our life expectancy will double/triple or even reach an unfathomable number.

Why live your life with the belief that we only have a finite time on this planet? If you knew you would live to 200 would you still be aiming for retirement at 65? Of course not, it would change how you viewed the world and your perception would be significantly altered.

Paradoxically, having a far higher life expectancy and the possibility of never growing “old” will enhance your ability to live life to the fullest. That boring career seems even worse knowing that you could be doing it for the next 100 years. Get out and embrace the present.

4. Conformity isn’t all it’s cracked up to be

I’ve mentioned the schedule that we’re expected to live by but having some form of structure is good right? I mean, if everyone else is doing what they are supposed to, surely that means it can’t all be bad? No it’s not bad, it’s just boring.

Conformity is the enemy of the individual.

You must be living the life how you want to live it. We are all different people with different desires and aspirations. Think of how many people are stuck in a rut but secretly wish they could be doing something else. If you genuinely want a safe career and a mortgage and all that comes with it then that’s fine, but if this goes against your inner beliefs then what the hell are you doing?

It is never too late to change your life and to start doing what you really want. Do you think that by retiring you will suddenly become happier? It’s possible, sure, but what if it doesn’t? What will you do then?

You will have wasted a lifetime in the pursuit of an impossible dream. Realise that change starts today and by continuing to put it off you may suddenly realise that life has passed you by and suddenly the world doesn’t want or need you anymore.

Final thoughts

Life happens in the here and now. The present is all we have. Focusing on the future could stop you from living the life you truly want and you don’t want to be the person who looks back full of regrets because they backed the wrong horse.

Back yourself and live life on your own terms.

A Tale of Two Coaches: What Kind Are You?

There’s more to coaching than sharing your expertise. The way you communicate that expertise is as important as the knowledge itself.

Years ago I went golfing with my friend and colleague, Dr. Victor Oliver. I had played quite a bit as a teenager, but had set aside my clubs when I became an adult. At the age of forty-three I decided to take it up again.

I bought a new set of clubs, reviewed the rules, and even read a couple of golfing books. However, I was still lacking the one thing you must have to succeed at the game of golf: confidence.

I sliced my first drive, red-faced as the ball bounced into the tall grass and disappeared. Unfazed, Victor declared. “You have a great swing, Mike. You’re a natural. You’ll get the hang of this in no time.”

Rather than dwelling on my failed attempt, Victor’s assurance immediately turned my mind to the next shot. I couldn’t wait to take another swing.

After a few more shots, I was within striking distance of the green. As I approached the ball and began to setup for the shot, Victor gently interrupted me.

“For these kinds of shots, I always imagine I am sitting on the edge of a bar stool. I lean forward with my back straight and head down. Then I just take a nice, full swing … like this.”

“Got it,” I nodded. I then mimicked his stance, took a slow, steady swing, and put the ball right on the green, eight feet from the pin.

“Beautiful, Mike. I told you you were a natural.”

Over the next several years, I played golf with Victor numerous times. I always played my best when I was with him at my side. His gentle, reassuring voice gave me the one thing books, expensive clubs, and even lessons couldn’t: confidence.

I also occasionally played golf with another friend. I’ll call him Frank (not his real name). He was a good deal older than I, but a great golfer—even better than Victor. But the two were complete opposites when it came to coaching.

I still remember the last time I played with him. On hole number three, I sliced a drive into the deep rough. Certain it was unplayable, I dropped my club to the ground, and sighed.

“Well, that was a helluva shot,” Frank grumbled. “You didn’t finish your swing. You just kinda … kinda gave up on it.” He then frowned and snorted.

With that, he stepped up to the tee box and pinned his tee and ball to the ground in one seamless motion. Then, without so much as a practice swing, he blasted his ball straight down the middle of the fairway.

It was picture-perfect. Just like on TV. Speaking to no one in particular, he announced, “That’s how it’s done!”

He stood tall.

I felt small.

Unfortunately, this scenario was typical. Frank was always quick to point out my faults. If I happened to hit the ball well, he would say something like, “Well, you got lucky on that one, didn’t ya, kid?”

Not surprisingly, I always played my worst golf when I played with Frank. He chipped away at my confidence, and my performance unraveled as the game progressed. He made me want to quit.

In reflecting on these two different coaching styles, I realized I have a choice in how I lead.

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I can either focus on what my teammates are doing right and thus increase their confidence, or I can focus on what they are doing wrong and thus increase their self-doubt. Both styles have an impact on their performance. And both have an impact on my effectiveness as a leader.

Consider Not Setting Goals in 2013

by Peter Bregman

“Sophia, Daniel,” I yelled across the apartment at my seven-year-old and five-year-old who were playing together in their bedroom. “The school bus arrives in 10 minutes. Let’s see who can brush their teeth and get to the door first.”

They dashed towards the bathroom, giggling. Two minutes later, Daniel had won with Sophia a close second. I smiled at my own victory. I had achieved my goal of getting them to the door with their teeth brushed in record time.

Or did I?

Yes, they were at the door in time. But two minutes from start to finish meant that they didn’t brush their teeth very well, they definitely didn’t floss, and the bathroom was a mess.

We all know how important it is to have goals, right? And not just any goals, but stretch goals. Big Hairy Audacious Goals (or BHAGs, as they’re known to the inner goal-setting crowd).

It makes sense: if you don’t know specifically where you’re going, then you’ll never get there. And if you don’t set the bar high enough, you’ll never live up to your potential.

This is accepted common sense in the business world and it’s reinforced by research. Like that study done on the Harvard Business School class you may have heard of, in which only 3% of the graduating students wrote down clear goals. Twenty years later, those 3% were worth 10 times the worth of the rest of the class combined. Compelling, right?

It would be if it were true. But it isn’t. That study doesn’t exist. It’s pure urban myth.

Still, that’s just one specious story. Questioning the wisdom of setting stretch goals is like questioning the very foundation of business. We might debate which goals to set, or how to set them, but who would debate whether to set goals at all?

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I’d like to.

It’s not that goals, by their nature, are bad. It’s just that they come with a number of side effects that suggest you may be better off without them.

The authors of a Harvard Business School working paper, Goals Gone Wild, reviewed a number of research studies related to goals and concluded that the upside of goal setting has been exaggerated and the downside, the “systematic harm caused by goal setting,” has been disregarded.

They identified clear side effects associated with goal setting, including “a narrow focus that neglects non-goal areas, a rise in unethical behavior, distorted risk preferences, corrosion of organizational culture, and reduced intrinsic motivation.”

Here are two of the examples of goals gone wild the authors described in their paper:

• Sears set a productivity goal for their auto repair staff of bringing in $147 for every hour of work. Did this motivate employees? Sure. It motivated them to overcharge on a companywide basis.
• Remember the Ford Pinto? A car that ignited when it was rear-ended? The Pinto resulted in 53 deaths and many more injuries because workers omitted safety checks in pursuit of Lee Iacocca’s BHAG goal of a car that would be “under 2000 pounds and under $2,000” by 1970.

And here’s another, via the New York Times:

• Ken O’Brien, the former New York Jets quarterback, was throwing too many interceptions. So he was given what seemed to be a pretty reasonable goal — fewer interceptions thrown — and penalized financially for every one. It worked. He threw fewer interceptions. But only because he threw fewer passes. His overall performance suffered.

It’s practically impossible to predict the negative side effects of a goal.

When we set goals, we’re taught to make them specific and measurable and time-bound. But it turns out that those characteristics are precisely the reasons goals can backfire. A specific, measurable, time-bound goal drives behavior that’s narrowly focused and often leads to either cheating or myopia. Yes, we often reach the goal, but at what cost?

So what can you do in the absence of goals? It’s still often necessary to drive toward achievements, especially in business. We need help setting direction and measuring progress. But maybe there’s a better way to achieve those things while sidestepping goals’ negative side effects.

I want to propose one: Instead of identifying goals, consider identifying areas of focus.

A goal defines an outcome you want to achieve; an area of focus establishes activities you want to spend your time doing. A goal is a result; an area of focus is a path. A goal points to a future you intend to reach; an area of focus settles you into the present.

A sales goal, for example, might name a revenue target or a specific number of new clients won. An operations goal might articulate a cost savings.

An area of focus in sales, on the other hand, might involve having lots of conversations with appropriate prospects. An operations area of focus might identify areas you want to explore for cost savings.

Obviously these aren’t mutually exclusive. You could have a goal and an area of focus. In fact, one could argue that you need both together — the goal specifies where you’re going and the area of focus describes how you plan to get there.

But there is a benefit to concentrating on an area of focus without a goal.

An area of focus taps into your intrinsic motivation, offers no stimulus or incentive to cheat or take unnecessary risks, leaves every positive possibility and opportunity open, and encourages collaboration while reducing corrosive competition. All while moving forward on the things you and your organization value most.

In other words, an area of focus offers all the advantages of a goal without the negative side effects.

How do you do it? It’s simple: identify the things you want to spend your time doing — or the things that you and your manager decide are the most valuable use of your time — and spend your time doing those things. The rest takes care of itself. I have found that five major things are about the limit before your efforts get diluted.

The key is to resist the temptation to identify the outcome you want to achieve. Leave that open and allow yourself to be pleasantly surprised. I’m not suggesting that this is easy to do. I never realized how goal-focused I was until I tried to stop focusing on goals. Without goals, I found it hard to trust that anything would get done at all.

But things got done. And in my experience, not only will you achieve at least as much as you would have if you had set goals, but you’ll enjoy the process far more, avoiding unnecessary stress and temptation.

In other words, if we focus on the tasks instead of the outcome, my kids will still get to the door on time, but they will have flossed, brushed thoroughly, and left the bathroom clean too.

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Why Do You Seek Success?

The word “success” seems to be always in the air. Are you one of those who are trying to catch it? Grasp it? Breathe it?

The modern man seems to desire success more than ever. He has pursued it with much zeal and passion. He has gone to a lot of sacrifice in the name of “success.”

But only a few actually thought about the success they are pursuing. Most of us pursue success and not really have a clear end goal.

Why I am doing this? Why am I seeking success? Questions few actually ask and meditate. To fail to ask this question is to waste a life time of effort.

In us, lies an inherent longing for happiness, joy and eventually eternal bliss. God has left this desire for joy in our soul so that we will seek him, for only He can fully make us happy. He is the eternal bliss Himself. Look into yourself and you will see that most of your actions are fueled by the desire for joy.

When we look at it, we pursue success to be happy. Success is just the means to find joy.  Some say that they pursue success to be fulfilled, but even fulfillment is accompanied by joy. That is how you can say to yourself you are fulfilled, when you have a sense of joy in you.

Our problem today is that we have sought the means and not the end. We have pursued success for its own sake. We seem to be obsessed with the process and not the product. We sought wealth crazily only to find in the end that our possessions did not make us happy. At that point we are left with the question “What now?” It is a question that has driven many to despair.

To try to be successful for the sake of “being successful” is to have an unsubstantial goal. Success is the process of buying the food, not the food itself. To get stuck in the process of buying the food is to end up hungry.

Being an accomplished person is not as the same as being a successful person. Hitler was able to accomplish to move Germany to war and kill millions of people. I have not seen Hitler’s name in any “success” books.

Can you consider a miserable person successful?

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If you end up miserable in the process of pursuing success, then you just have defeated your purpose. All your accomplishments will mean nothing if you are not happy. You might have the resources to numb the pain, but it does not take it away.

“What profit a man to gain the whole world and loses his soul?” Jesus said.

Success is a tool for joy. It is a tool for love as well, for only love can bring us everlasting joy. If you really want to be successful in this life and the next, then you must make love your end goal.

If loving God and loving your neighbor is the motivation and end goal of your pursuit for success, then your success will be substantial and joyful. It is a success that you can take with you on the next life.

So what is your reason in pursuing success?

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The law of attraction

What are you waiting for?

My journey on the path of Self-Development started with a friend turning me on to this film. Is happiness eluding you? Are you unable to get out from under your current  financial situation? Are you longing for a healthy & loving relationship? Well, here’s my gift to you.

The Law of Attraction

 

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Are you realizing that “It’s Possible?”

What makes  dreams become reality in our lives? I thinks it’s the moment when we realize that these dreams are POSSIBLE!!

Believe for Great things

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